I have nothing beautiful to say today. Nothing eloquent to write.
I have been awake since 3:30am with knots in my stomach and utterly saddened by a turn of events that will force me to go back to work. Thanks to good old EI, its monstrously long waiting periods and a labyrinth of regulations that Service Canada trots out to create headache and hassle, we are far shorter on funds than I had (conservatively) estimated we would be. We have to go through our savings in one month, rather than stretching them out over a few months as I had intended, and as a result, my husband needs to have a full time job right about NOW.
Only, he doesn't. And I can tell you, the effect this has on our relationship (this is not the first time he has been unemployed with a small baby at home) is the stuff of another blog.
So, the short of it is that I am interviewing today with a temp agency for a full time receptionist position on a one year contract. The position pays slightly more than my husband receives on EI. To say that I am devastated is an understatement. I am heartbroken at the thought of being away for 40 hours a week from my six month old, who is still nursing several times a day. I miss him already and I haven't even gone to the interview. And I feel completely demoralized that I will be taken away from my full time job (parenting my boys) in order to earn a fraction of what my husband makes when he is in the work force.
It is finally getting busier in Vancouver with television productions and more auditions. And I won't be available to go to any of them if I am behind a desk somewhere answering phones. I pray that I don't get the job. And I pray that I do. Because we need to survive. And I hate it.
Today I feel lost in this quest for bliss...
The Happiness Detective