(N)Oh Happy Day

I have nothing beautiful to say today.  Nothing eloquent to write.

I have been awake since 3:30am with knots in my stomach and utterly saddened by a turn of events that will force me to go back to work.  Thanks to good old EI, its monstrously long waiting periods and a labyrinth of regulations that Service Canada trots out to create headache and hassle, we are far shorter on funds than I had (conservatively) estimated we would be.  We have to go through our savings in one month, rather than stretching them out over a few months as I had intended, and as a result, my husband needs to have a full time job right about NOW.

Only, he doesn't.  And I can tell you, the effect this has on our relationship (this is not the first time he has been unemployed with a small baby at home) is the stuff of another blog.

So, the short of it is that I am interviewing today with a temp agency for a full time receptionist position on a one year contract.  The position pays slightly more than my husband receives on EI.  To say that I am devastated is an understatement.  I am heartbroken at the thought of being away for 40 hours a week from my six month old, who is still nursing several times a day.  I miss him already and I haven't even gone to the interview.  And I feel completely demoralized that I will be taken away from my full time job (parenting my boys) in order to earn a fraction of what my husband makes when he is in the work force.

It is finally getting busier in Vancouver with television productions and more auditions.  And I won't be available to go to any of them if I am behind a desk somewhere answering phones.  I pray that I don't get the job.  And I pray that I do.  Because we need to survive.  And I hate it.

Today I feel lost in this quest for bliss...

The Happiness Detective